You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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