my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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