I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
