somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
