mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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