Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
someone owes me an orgasm
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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