I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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