I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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