my phone needs a breathalizer
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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