i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So gin and wine won't be happening again
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Help. Why am I so naked?
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