she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
