This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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