So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
