So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
