Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
