I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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