That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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