Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Randomize
