well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
