Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
