thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
