to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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