Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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