apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
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