Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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