so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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