somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
