I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
sex in a hospital.. check
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
