Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
