Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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