Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
