How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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