He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
