party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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