I hate all girls vehemently.
id be glad to
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
