i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
