I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just sent this text using only my big toe
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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