your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Small penises have feelings too.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
