dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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