you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
