Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
