you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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