Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize