You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
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