I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Text me some of your sweat
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
