anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
