Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
