New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
