put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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