i don't like sucking hair
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he shaved USA in his pubs
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
