i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
