i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
