the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
