It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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