Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize