Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
