I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
