you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
