Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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