I only kidnapped one of them. chill
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
