he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
