terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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