OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
