i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
