Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
