sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
