Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
