I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
