PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
